Friday, August 24, 2018


Gather round, folks. I had to kill two Chibichans for this, so it's just a matter of time before the horde tracks me down.

First up! A new novel, THE FATAL FRONTIER, set in a future where our technology's advanced but our ethics haven't. The redder your shirt, the shorter your lifespan. You can download a preview chapter at the Kickstarter:…/1464770493/the-fatal-frontier…

Second! It's baaaaack: the BULLSHIT PATREON OR WHATEVER. And this time around, the fiction is free—no amount of meddling from Patreon will price anybody out. Plus there's scads more offerings: personal writing reviews, monthly Orcish lessons, and a 2nd person serial where you choose the horrid fate of the hero. To name a few.

This concludes my Double Launch Day posting. I'll be in the office hyperventilating into a gin bottle.

Monday, January 8, 2018

Patron Anagrams - 2018

When I launched my Patreon site in September 2016, I offered to tweet a Launch Day Anagram to everyone who signed up.

It turned out to be a great deal of fun, so I crafted an anagram cannon and I decided to do it again for all first-time patrons.

Thank you all!

New Patron Anagrams for 2018

Jan 08. Stephan "A Panther's Keen Sensing" Kannengiesser!
Jan 11. Caryn "Coy Nirvana, I" Vainio!
Jan 31.  R. "Tigers!" Geist!
Feb 20. Koli "Ole Ax Ilk" Xela!
Feb 24. Jon "Jig Snoring" Riggins!
Mar 20. Hengyu "Unhinge Ye!" Nie!

Friday, February 24, 2017

Patron Anagrams - 2017

When I launched my Patreon site in September, I offered to tweet a Launch Day Anagram to everyone who signed up.

It turned out to be a great deal of fun, so I crafted an anagram cannon and I decided to do it again for all first-time patrons.

Thank you all!

New Patron Anagrams for 2017

Feb 24. Dominick "Denim Zodiac Monk" Mendoza
Feb 27. Warped "Simple Dwarf" Films
Mar 05. Sean "Nead a Boss?" Dobes
Mar 05. Jen "Neg Jape" Page
Mar 15. James "Yeah, Mojos!" Yoho
Mar 15. Mason "Swills Ammonia" Williams
Mar 15. Brendan "Bonny Slander" Lyons
Mar 15. Kelli "Coulee Kills" Clouse
Mar 16. Stuart "Tutu Masher" Hume
Mar 16. Ben "Bed Banner" Barned
Mar 16. Allan "No Sensual Llama" Samuelson
Mar 16. Tyler "Terminal Try" Martin
Mar 16. Magi "I Razed Hangmen" Hernandez
Mar 23. Nicki "Kicking In" King
Mar 30. Ingo "I So Jab Kong" Jakobs
Mar 30. Ahoroar "Oh, A Roar"
Mar 30. Josh "Job Hustler" Butler
Apr 04. Darren "Rad Invaders" Davis
Apr 06. Patrick "A Cryptic Mock" McCoy
Apr 24. Joe "Impossible to Anagram" P
Apr 24. Dustin "Implanted Clubs" Campbell
Apr 28. Chris "Smirch This" Smith
May 09. Robert "Web Error Klutz, I" Kurzweil
May 12. C.J. "I can do nothing with that. NOTHING. Three T's, only one vowel, and it's an O? Come ON, man" Stott
May 18. Jeremy "Hey, Mr. Icy Jeer" Richey
May 23. Chris "Just Chris" [LastNamesHelp]
Jun 01. Vincent "I Know TV Winces" Wiskow
Jun 12. Jeffrey "Fresh Fry Jape" Sharp
Jun 12. Brian "Baron Tidy" Doty
Jun 28.  Liz "U Iz Lil" Lui!
Jun 28.  Iain "Wilier Satan" Walters
Jun 29.  Amanda "Oak and Coma" Cook
Jul 21. Kyle "Taste My Whelk" Matthews
Jul 29.  Josephine "Jeers Open Within" Winter
Aug 21.  Nick "Nicker Burn" Bruner
Aug 21. Roy "Buoy Kicker" Kubicek
Aug 22. Jim "Winch Me, Jr." Wrench
Sep 07. John "O, happ'n'n! (jk)" Knapp!
Sep 12. Janna "Hard-On Jeans" Rhodes
Sep 29. Greg "GQ Lunge Liner" Quinnell
Sep 29. Camille "I'm a Hellcat, Belize" Elizabeth
Sep 29. Jason "Jargon's Tune" Gunter
Oct 06. Carlin "Clear Nitwit" Witte
Dec 28. Sarah "Fair Sharks" Frisk
Dec 28. Karl "Hark, Dark Blurt" Burkhardt

Monday, December 5, 2016

Patron Anagrams - December 2016

When I launched my Patreon site in September, I offered to tweet a Launch Day Anagram to everyone who signed up.

It turned out to be a great deal of fun, so I crafted an anagram cannon and I decided to do it again for all first-time patrons.

Thank you all!

New Patron Anagrams for December 2016

Dec 5. Pat "Pirate's Family" Fair-Smiley
Dec 5. Thomas "Takes Heroism" Reiske
Dec 14. Maxi "Razz Loving: Amaze an Ex" Gonzalez Narvaez
Dec 20. David E. "Dead-Ass Driven" Sanders
Dec 21. Karl "Lank 'n Horn-E" Hennon
Dec 21. Brendan "Slap Any Blender" Lapsley
Dec 28. Misty "It's Smiley" Isle
Dec 28. Randy "Ye Tarty Nudge" Guyette

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Patron Anagrams - November 2016

When I launched my Patreon site in September, I offered to tweet a Launch Day Anagram to everyone who signed up.

It turned out to be a great deal of fun, so I crafted an anagram cannon and I decided to do it again for all first-time patrons.

Thank you all!


Nov 19. Brad "Barbed Grail" Gabriel!
Nov 19. David Yoda "I'd Avoid Dead, Yo" Odie
Nov 19. Jennifer "Finer Jeer Knell" Keller
Nov 19. Jay "Janky 'n Able" Blanken
Nov 19. David "Odd Non-acid Hazard Verve" Hernandez Cordova
Nov 20. Christopher "Riper Horse Butcher" Rueber
Nov 20. Alexander "Seer Rented a Phalanx" Peterhans
Nov 30. Paula "A Pro Alumna" Moran
Nov 30. Jeremie "Mr. Real Eyrie Jive" Lariviere
Nov 30. Kelly "Only Provided a First Name!"
Nov 30. Evan "Way Evened" Dewey
Nov 30. Chris "Pizza Choirs" Piazzo
Nov 30. Alishia "Harmonica Aisle" Cameron
Nov 30. Donald "Can Download" Cowan
Nov 30. Emile "Wise Czar Helm" Schwarz
Nov 30. Irfaan "I had a Fury Ranch" Chaudhry
Nov 30. Stephan "Snappy Teen, He" Payne
Nov 30. Nathan "Enchants Tan Rhinos" Christenson
Nov 30. Kristen "Near Trickster" Carter
Nov 30. Maestro "Roast 'Em" Something
Nov 30. Osye "Spotty Heretic" Pritchett
Nov 30. Heath "No Hot Breath" Borton
Nov 30. Jake "Jog Her Kettle, Babe" Bottelberghe
Nov 30. Katie "Semi-Meerkat" Mesmer
Nov 30. Jamie "Embrace His Jam" Chambers
Nov 30. Michael "The Smokey Chinchilla" Tohlchinsky
Nov 30. Kevin "Kelvin: Monk's Ice" Mickelson
Nov 30. Cam "Bank Scam" Banks
Nov 30. Jason "Jinn Sans Joke" Jenkins
Nov 30. Sue "Noon Duels" London
Nov 30. Dead "Damned Genteel" Gentlemen
Nov 30. Robert "Bronco or Tenor?" O'Connor
Nov 30. Kathleen "Hunt, Then Kale" Hunt
Nov 30. Jan "Err Jamming" Grimmer
Nov 30. David Lars "A Virile Badlands Charm" Chamberlain
Nov 30. Andi "Amid Hints" Smith

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Orcish WOTD - November 2016

Follow along on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook
OrkazBasic True Type Font (zip file containing the .ttf and and readme.pdf)

Nov. 28. ELLERSAD (shy).
Remember: "shy" doesn't mean "friendly." Named after David Ellerson Sanders. Coined by BayouShaman.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 26. TARDIZ (deja vu)
Named after Tardis. Coined by Wayne Davies.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 25. TARDIZ (deja vu)
Named after Tardis. Coined by Wayne Davies.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 24. HUHELNUAM ("humelfling")
A delicacy (in some clans) comprised of a roast human stuffed with an elf stuffed with a halfling. Coined by Nathan Rice. Happy Thanksgiving!
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 23. GRINNEL (onward)
Named after Ginnel. Coined by Reed Nightingale.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 22. NUMORK (half-orc)
What do the orcs think of their half-breed cousins? The prefix "num-" means "weak."
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 21. CHARNAG ("sapivore")
One who eats the flesh of other intelligent species (but not one's own).
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 20. NONGAG (inconceivable)
They keep using that word. It means what they think it means. Named after Nongaga. Coined by Joana Smolen.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 19. TENORA (to retreat in dishonor; be routed)
Named after tenors. Coined by Erik Samuelson.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 18. SKALDID GADZKID (Bardic immunity!)
If ever there were a phrase worth memorizing.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 17. RANSAX (money)
It's unclear whether the orcs got this word from us. It certainly matches their dominant economic model.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 16. PIKRISBOR ("little" brother)
A younger brother who is physically larger than you. Named after Christopher Wiley. Coined by Kevin K° Wiley. Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 15. ULSHARRAX (The Shadow)
The Shadow? The Shadow... Named after Ul Sharrow. Coined by Scott DeFranco-Norton.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 14. KASKEMIAX ("prevenge")
Revenge taken before you've been wronged. It's a real time saver.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 13. TROGDA (burn)
Named after Trogdor the Burninator. Coined by David Hergesheimer.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 12. KIRKOMPA (have sex with another species)
Named after James T. Kirk. Coined by James McKendrew.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 11. BRUSKAMBUL (chin)
Named after Bruce Campbell. Coined by Jeremiah Frye.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov 10. DUKITOD (dungfoot)
Idiot, imbecile; an orc so stupid he'd step in dung. The orcs' sense of smell is so keen it borders on the canine; they can tell where anything as pungent as dung is without looking. Therefore, an orc who goes ahead and steps in dung after knowing it's there is a moron of the highest caliber. Coined by Christi Kurihara.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 9. DUZSA (fuck)
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 8. SEBZAKHUL (cow-hunter)
A grievous insult, as it implies the only game and orc is capable of bringing down is the humies' farting, lumbering feed beast. Incidentally, this is why you should never offer an orc beef. It is the custom in many tribes to show respect in the manner of food you offer; the more difficult the food was to catch, the greater the esteem in which you hold your guests. If possible, offer orcs bear or lion -- they will be on their best behavior, as you have shown them great honor. Venison is perfectly acceptable and conveys healthy respect. Even fish is a good choice, as it takes cunning and patience to catch one. But cow? Might as well say "We think you're stupid and incompetent." Wars have started over less.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 7. KEKA (slaughter)
The orcs used the escalation prefix "ke-" with the verb "ka" (kill) so frequently that it became it's own word: keka, meaning hyper-kill , or slaughter.
| Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 6. TUMINSODRED ("ear necklace")
A piece of jewelry made from trophies taken from fallen enemies. Literally "ear necklace," a tuminsodred doesn't always contain ears, and isn't always a necklace. Coined by Steve Jackman.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 5. WHAK (club)
Even the orcs use onomatopoeia.
| Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 4. HUMI (humie)
Derogatory term for a human. If the orcs whip this one out, their knives aren't far behind.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 3. AKILAD AGA ("please")
The orcs have no word for "please." The closest approximation they understand is "akilad aga" (literal translation: "I am weak").
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Nov. 2. SHARVADJ (scrap-axe)
An axe hewn out of scavenged materials rather than forged. Both quick to make and easy to replace, the brittle scrap-axe became one of the orcs' most widely-used weapons during the Red Exodus. Though it's rarely seen on the battlefield anymore, the scrap-axe has become a weapon as associated with the orcs as the atrocity-knife.
Instagram | Twitter | Facebook

Friday, September 30, 2016

Patron Anagrams - September 2016

My Patreon is live! To get the word out and thank each and every person who supported me on the first day, I offered to tweet a Launch Day Anagram. It was a lot of fun and I may end up doing it for anyone who supports me via Patreon. Thank you all!

Launch Day Patrons

Sep 22. Seth "Saved This" Davis
Sep 22. James "Enjoys a Magnum" Youngman
Sep 22. Rob "Mr. Able Cannon" MacLennan
Sep 22. Gabriel "Bargain Lodge" Gonda
Sep 22. Mike "Monkish Tempo" Thompson
Sep 22. Emily "My Equal Inn" Quann
Sep 22. Alaina "A Real Main Boo" Boomer
Sep 22. Jimmy "Jam My Icicle, Hmm?" McMichael
Sep 22. Jonathan "No Jan. Manhunt" Munn
Sep 22. Nancy "Vinyl Cancan" Vancil
Sep 22. Mike "Tome Kit" Ott
Sep 22. Quinlan "Chants Null Quiz" Schulz
Sep 22. Maggie "Teargasses A Few Off Mugging" Ferguson-Wagstaffe
Sep 22. Andrew "Absorbent Wear" Obertas
Sep 22. Emily "My Orioles" Roos
Sep 22. Chris "Smirch This" Smith
Sep 22. Daniel "Denim Llama" Lamm
Sep 22. Zombie "Hip Umber Oozes" Opheus
Sep 22. Kate "Ms. Karate Hall" Marshall
Sep 22. Nicholas "Didn't Provide a Last Name" Something
Sep 22. Lee "El Vinegar" Garvin
Sep 22. Stephanie "I Fax a Telephone's Din" Fox-Daniel
Sep 22. Shawna "Gnaw a Nosh? Ha!" Hogan
Sep 22. Rufus "I Can't Really Do This without Surnames" Something
Sep 22. Sarah "Seriously, Where are the Surnames?" Something
Sep 22. Courtney "Acutely Ornery" Rayle
Sep 22. Alexander "Axed Heaven's Lark" Kashev
Sep 22. Danielle "Triple Oleander" Porter
Sep 22. Jeremy "Ay, Jeer, Mr. Spy" Spray
Sep 22. Michael "Nominal Ham Ache" Monahan
Sep 22. Kevin "Inky Weevil" Wiley
Sep 22. Alexander "Earwax Lance Lender" Lawrence
Sep 22. Matt "Kiss That Mum" Shimkus
Sep 22. Leslie "Sell Lakeside" Sedlak
Sep 22. Frederic "Reffed Critique" Fiquet
Sep 22. Morten "Opulent Sermon" Poulsen
Sep 22. Grant "Start Melting" Smittle
Sep 22. Mark "Ram Roll Rack" Carroll
Sep 22. Tamra "Exalt Calmer" Excell!
Sep 22. Laura "On a Walrus" Snow
Sep 22. Jason "I Haven't Got A" Surname
Sep 22. Don "Royal End" Early
Sep 22. Andrew "Rips a Work Deadline" Dopieralski
Sep 22. Gordon D. "Odd Drunk Ego" Duke
Sep 22. James "Them Beer Jars" Herbert
Sep 22. William "Won a Herbal Oilskin Swim" Hawkes-Robinson
Sep 22. Woody "Won Drool Day" Arnold
Sep 22. Kevin "Drink Heaver" Harder
Sep 22. Terra "Leans Retro" Olsen
Sep 22. Nicholas Andre "Elk Snot: A Hindrance" Kent
Sep 22. Moritz "Zither Storm Cub" Schubert
Sep 22. Mel "Zen Mallard: Elm Delver" Melendrez-Vallard
Sep 22. Trit! I can do nothing with that...
Sep 22. Donald "Vandal Nodes" Evans
Sep 22. Sam "Ash Aroma" O'Hara
Sep 22. Daniel "A Providence Lion" Provencio
Sep 22. Helen "Blench Rebuke" Brubeck
Sep 22. Michael "I Retch Caramel" Carter
Sep 22. DC "Club Elder" Bueller
Sep 22. Xeledon "Need Lox" NoLastName
Sep 22. Laura Red "Total Crusader" Scott
Sep 22. James "Jigsawed Moon" Goodwin
Sep 22. Keith "A Killer Month" Rollman
Sep 22. Jason "A Nacho Sith Jock" Haithcock
Sep 22. Daniel Aaron "A Neural Beard Ikon" Burke
Sep 22. Jay "Perky Raja" Parker
Sep 23. John "Lord John I" Idlor
Sep 23. David "Adz Avoid Us" Souza
Sep 23. Brad "Border Brats" Roberts
Sep 23. Josh "Aloha Jays" Ayala
Sep 23. Lenurd "Toughened Jerk Melon" The Joke Gnome
Sep 23. Andrew "Wanted Brewers" Webster
Sep 23. Rasmus "A Rajah Burns Drums" Durban Jahr
Sep 23. Dale "Lazed Tank" Kantz
Sep 23. Matthew "Two Peach Attempts" Scoppetta
Sep 23. Max "A Benchmark Named X" Beckman-Harned
Sep 23. Cassi "I Cuss Scamming" Cummings